Open yourself to the world

“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversation with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.” — Thomas Moore

I struggle with being open. A lot. Openly communicating with people, even people closest to me, is difficult. What if they don’t like what I say? I don’t want to tell them things that will upset them, or make them angry or sad.
Sometimes I don’t even be open with myself. Being honest with how I feel and what I want can be scary and I don’t want to admit that is how I truly feel or what I truly want. Admitting that I’m human, that what I sometimes think or feel are things I know I shouldn’t. I’ve been raised to think its wrong, or it doesn’t go along with what I *think* I should want or feel, with my own internal image of myself.
But hiding anything from yourself just makes you curl up into yourself, your shell. And eventually you turn against yourself, becoming your worst enemy. I made this mistake in my life many times unfortunately and it’s always sabotaged me and my relationships. I couldn’t always see that moment, that switch, when I would stop being open and start hiding things. It’s extremely scary to share with people those dark corners of your psyche, the things you don’t want to admit to yourself, much less tell another person. That level of honesty is exquisitely beautiful, when you find someone that you can share that openness with, that you can be that honest with. Then you have to try to keep it open and not let it go like I have. That’s the rub.
Maybe one day I’ll get there.


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