Hollow

Hell I said it before but right now I’m feeling untethered once again.
Being by myself is the hardest thing that I go through Or that I deal with. It’s my biggest struggle. To face my demons on my own, to be by myself, to not feel that I have someone that I can share anything with. And yet that’s where I find myself right now.
I know it I had a wonderful life with many friends that care about me, family that cares about me, but knowing that that person that I love more than anything, that I lost or that I let go of or that I pushed away – whatever it is that I did, that we did – knowing they’re not there and I don’t have it in my life is something that hurts me to an extent I can’t possibly share. It leaves me feeling harrowed and bare and vulnerable when everybody says that I’m strong. I’m not strong I just know what the right thing to do is, and can somehow always make myself do the right thing, no matter what my heart or my mind is screaming that I should do what I want to do. I can always be the good girl and do what I know the Right thing is. No matter how much it hurts me, how much pain it causes me.
Maybe it’s time for me to do something that feels good and that isn’t necessarily the right thing to do. Maybe that’s what the universe is telling me right now, be happy, don’t worry about what other people think.

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